


Bitter

by baybay2662



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, Songfic, angsty and sweet at the same time, fletcher - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26589388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baybay2662/pseuds/baybay2662
Summary: One shot based on Fletcher's song Bitter, takes place between Age of Ultron and Civil War.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	Bitter

Natasha Romanoff does not have regrets, or so she tells herself as she sullenly sits at the bar of one of Tony Stark’s parties and watches the couple across the room that are too  _ sickeningly _ wrapped up in each other to notice anything else around them. 

“You brought this on yourself you know…” comes quietly from beside her. She turns slightly to see the only person at this party, maybe the only person on this earth, who would dare come up to her when she is in a mood like this. She turns her glare onto Steve Rogers and he doesn’t even have the decency to look sheepish. He just looks at her with concern and it makes Natasha want to throw his super soldier ass over the bar even more. 

Instead, Natasha just rolls her eyes. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, old man.” 

“I know you and Maria were seeing each other. I have enhanced hearing and you and Maria used to whisper things I wish I could forget to each other at parties just like this. Plus, it was pretty hard not to notice how happy you were with her.” Steve says while steadily ignoring the seething glance from the Black Widow that has sent many others running for the hills. 

“Do you have a point, or are you just trying to make me even more angry?” Natasha bites back. 

“I’m guessing you fell for her faster than you expected and didn’t know how to handle it because you’ve never felt that for anyone before. Then you probably freaked out and broke up with her and it didn’t end well, considering the icy vibes that have been radiating off the two of you whenever you’ve been in a room together for the past four months”

“Did you actually just use the word ‘vibes’, grandpa?” Natasha smirks back. Steve blushes slightly, and Natasha thinks it's the most adorable thing she’s ever seen. Everyone knows Natasha had a soft spot for the 80 year old super soldier, and that’s the only reason she is indulging this conversation. 

“I’ve picked up some new words while watching Netflix with Wanda, okay? But I’m not falling for your blatant attempt at distraction. And the fact that you haven’t thrown me out the window or even denied my words at all tells me all I need to know. So you broke up with Maria, and now she’s here doting all over a new woman and you are making everyone at this party terrified to approach the bar because of your murderous glare.” 

“Congratulations. You figured out the infamous Black Widow has a heart after all. Now will you please leave me to my seething alone?” Natasha replies casually, her voice smooth and low as not to betray how upset she really is. But after working together for years and even becoming what he considers friends, Steve can see right through her and she knows it. Which in itself is an indicator of just how much this is affecting her, because Natasha never  _ ever _ lets her carefully crafted mask fall in public. 

Steve doesn’t reply for a few moments, taking a glance over at the couple in question. Natasha lets herself follow his gaze and her heart stops like it always does when she sees her. Maria Hill is beautiful, so incredibly beautiful as always, but especially this evening in a tasteful black cocktail dress that leaves just enough cleavage and thigh exposed to make it clear that she isn’t Deputy Director Hill tonight, just Maria. The slight scowl that Director Hill always has is gone, and instead replaced by Maria’s soft smile and slightly adoring gaze that used to be directed at Natasha, but is now aimed at Jennifer, one of Stark Industries board members and well-known New York Philanthropist. Natasha wants to rip her obviously fake hair extensions out and strangle her with them. She could probably even do it before the rest of the party figured out what was going on too. 

“Natasha, please look at me?” Steve murmurs softly. Natasha begrudgingly tears her gaze away from Maria and softens slightly when she meets Steve’s concerned eyes. “You are one of the most selfless, brave, and intelligent women I have ever met. No matter what you have done in the past, you deserve love and light and happiness in your life. You are worthy of Maria, and you know she would make you so happy. It’s okay to be scared of having everything you ever wanted and watching it be taken away, and I can’t promise you that nothing bad will ever happen, but you owe it to yourself to try to be happy.” 

With that, Steve briefly squeezes Natasha’s shoulder and rejoins the rest of the party. Natasha lets her mask of indifference fall back over her face and throws back her glass of champagne while internally reeling over her friend's words. Well, until she heard an incredibly drunk Tony Stark yell “Hey itsy bitsy spider, wanna see if you can beat Rhodey in an arm wrestling match?” That keeps her occupied for the rest of the night. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few weeks later, Natasha still can’t get the image of Maria and Jennifer out of her head. She can’t decide if she wants to put on a disguise, go to a bar, and get drunk enough to go home with someone that can make her forget about Maria for a night or take out her anger on the punching bags in the Avenger’s gym, again. Natasha definitely does not want to cry because the Black Widow does not cry, does not show any emotion at all. Crying is for children, and she thinks the ability to cry was beaten out of her with one of the Red Room’s guard’s leather belts when she was eight years old. 

Yet, here she is, sitting on the roof of Avenger tower, and she can’t stop the trickle of tears that are slowly starting to come. She doesn’t even try to stop them, and instead thinks maybe it’s her penance for letting herself care for Maria in the first place. It goes against everything in her being, everything she was taught, and she deserves to suffer for her mistake. 

Once the tears stop, she decides to go with a combination of her potential plans- getting drunk on her best vodka and hitting the bags in the gym at the same time. She thinks it will work brilliantly, at least until she walks in and sees Maria teaching her girlfriend self defense on the mats and something in Natasha just  _ breaks _ . She drops her $100 bottle of vodka on the floor and spins on her heel and disappears, not even looking back at the surprised faces or the mess she caused. She’s sure Jarvis will have it cleaned up quickly anyway.

She manages to track down a $500 bottle of vodka and goes to an old SHIELD safe house that her and Maria used during a stakeout ten years ago. When they started whatever it was they were doing (fucking? dating?) it then became their go-to spot when they wanted to be alone together. That’s where Maria finds her two hours later, sprawled out on the living room floor and staring blankly at the ceiling, ¾ of the bottle gone. Which, for the Russian assassin, means really only tipsy. 

Maria, who has become as adept as anyone had ever become at reading Natasha’s moods, seems to understand not to push her too far too fast. So, she comes over and lays on the floor next to Natasha, grabbing the bottle and taking a healthy swig. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened back there?” Maria asks quietly as she hands the bottle back to Natasha. 

“What are you even doing here, Maria? Shouldn’t you be with your perfect new girlfriend?” Natasha sighs. This is not how she wanted her night to go. 

Maria presses her lips together into a straight line, a sure sign she is frustrated, not that Natasha can actually see this from her angle. But she can still tell. “I never took you for the petty, jealous type.”

Natasha sits up suddenly and fixes her most murderous glare upon Maria. “You did not just say that to me. I’m already tipsy and angry because of you, and you really want to antagonize me further?”

Maria turns on her side and props her head up on her hand, looking thoroughly unimpressed. “Well I have literally no idea what you are angry about, which is why I am here checking on you in the first place. Not that you deserve it.”

“You have no idea what I’m angry about? I’m angry that just a few weeks after we ended things, you showed up to Tony’s party with lovely Jennifer on your arm and showed her off the entire damn night. Was it that easy to move on that you just threw out all our pictures and brought her home the next day? I bet you fucked her on the counter right before you cooked her dinner too, right? Then today you even brought her to MY space where I go to relieve stress. Maria you don’t even fucking live at the Tower! But I do, so of course you just had to bring her there to fawn all over her in front of me when I’m already missing you. So yes, Masha. I’m being petty and jealous because I’m fucking bitter.” Natasha spits out, scoffing at the end. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that many words at one time about something personal before, like ever,” Maria responds blankly. “And also, you’re an idiot and don’t deserve the Black Widow title right now.” 

“Excuse me? Don’t forget you’re talking to the most deadly assassin on the planet. There are about 1000 painful ways I could get you to apologize to me without even breaking a sweat.” Natasha bites back, but without the usual darkness in her eyes she would normally have when issuing a threat like that. 

“You’re right, but you won’t because you love me. And you’re an idiot because you love me and are so scared that you ran away instead of just telling me how you feel. You’re also an idiot because Jennifer is not my girlfriend. She was thinking of selling off her shares and resigning from Stark Industries board because she was hesitant about being associated with the Avengers after Ultron, so Pepper asked me to befriend her and try to get her to stay. That’s all I was doing at the party, and that’s all I was doing today while teaching her self defense.” Maria smirks, looking much too proud of herself in Natasha’s opinion. 

“You think you know me, Maria, but I can assure you that you don’t. You see what I want you to see and nothing else.” 

Maria’s smirk turns into a full grin that Natasha wants to smack off her pretty face. “Bullshit. Yes, you are a deadly Russian assassin with a past that would give anyone nightmares. But I know you better than anyone else, except maybe Barton. I know that you broke things off between us because you were happy, and you didn’t like how scared that made you. But I let you go because I also knew that giving you time to work through it yourself was the only way to get you back. I also knew that seeing Jennifer and I might get you to pull your head out of your ass. Based on a nice little chat I had with Rogers last week, I think it might have worked.” 

Natasha looks back at her seriously. “Why won’t you let this go Maria? Let me go? You could have so much better, you deserve so much better. That’s why I walked away. You could actually have someone like Jennifer, so why in the world would you ever choose me?” 

Maria’s gaze softens and her smirk turns into a small smile as she reaches out and gently intertwines her hand with Natasha’s. “Because I love you, you idiot. You’re brave, insanely intelligent, and devastatingly beautiful. I could never want anyone else besides you. I hope I never have to want anyone else but you. Natasha, will you please finally admit to yourself, and me, that you feel the same way?”

“Masha…” Natasha chokes out, trying to keep the second wave of tears today at bay. She better not be making a habit of this whole crying thing. 

“It’s okay to let yourself be happy, Nat.” Maria says, rubbing her thumb gently over Natasha’s hand to try to soothe the other woman. 

Natasha closes her eyes and focuses on the feeling of Maria’s hands in hers, the sound of the other woman’s breathing, and the feelings she has for her. Everything in her past, everything that has ever been ingrained in her is telling her to run once again. Telling her that she doesn’t deserve Maria, that she will only bring pain and suffering into her life. But for once in her life, Natasha just wants to give in to her desire. 

She opens her eyes, focuses them on Maria, and takes a deep breath. “It’s not that easy for me, Masha. But you are right and I want to try to let myself be happy with you.” 

She leans in and kisses Maria gently while bringing the hand that isn’t holding Maria’s up to run it through the other woman’s hair. She tries to convey as much love into the kiss as she possibly can. When she pulls away, she takes another deep breath, looks directly into Maria’s expectant eyes, and says the scariest words so far in her life. “I love you, Maria Hill. “

  
  



End file.
